Conservative Student Wages Culture War On Himself

In a shocking development sure to fan the flames of the "culture wars" so dear to the hearts of so-called conservatives, Princeton student Francisco Nava undertakes war on himself for espousing conservative views:

Francisco Nava '09 admitted yesterday to fabricating an alleged assault on him that he said occurred Friday evening and to sending threatening emails to himself, other members of the Anscombe Society and prominent conservative politics professor Robert George. He admitted the falsification while being questioned by Princeton Township Police.

[...]

Nava had claimed that, at 5:45 p.m. Friday, two assailants accosted him when he was on his way to the home of a youth he tutors in the Township, pounded his head against a brick wall until he became unconscious, continued beating him with a glass bottle and told him in parting to "shut the fuck up," echoing the wording of the emailed threats he, George and the three other Anscombe members had received.

Around 7 p.m., George said, Nava called and said he had been attacked. "His speech seemed slurred, and he said he was calling from the emergency room at Princeton hospital," George said.

George said that when he visited Nava at the University Medical Center at Princeton (UMCP), Nava told him he was afraid to return to campus. "He didn't want to go back to his room; he said he was not comfortable in his room," George said. "I offered to let him come stay at our house and stay with me and my wife."

George added that Anscombe vice president Jonathan Hwang '09 — one of the four student recipients of the emailed threats, who was also visiting Nava at the hospital — offered to stay at George's house that night to awaken Nava every four hours, a protocol UMCP had advised in case Nava had suffered a concussion. George agreed.

But the next morning, Nava approached George and asked to talk to him in private about an incident from his past, which another threat recipient, Anscombe president Kevin Staley-Joyce '09, had discovered in the middle of the night and informed other Anscombe members about, and regarding which Hwang had then confronted Nava.

This apparently is not Nava's first time as a culture-warrior:

When he was a student at Groton School in Groton, Mass., Nava said, he had fabricated a threat against himself and his roommate, writing "Die Fags!" outside their door and reporting the message to school officials. "He told me he was friendless and very homesick and wanted out of Groton," George said. "In that condition he fabricated a threat against himself and was caught by Groton officials."

As of this writing, our editors are closely monitoring the internets in anticipation of impassioned support for Nava from the fuzzy-headed knee-jerk conservative KoolAid-quaffing web-bloggers. We will keep you posted as this terrifying story develops further.